Hey. I've had a pretty good week. There's been quite a few kitchen dance parties going on mid-day at my house. I've been blasting Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. Our favorites are Downtown and Dance Off . And I've been feeling like the ceiling can't hold us. It's fun. It's a release. And my kids get to see me being super silly and I think that's important. There are too many moments when I'm hustling everyone to get ready, eat breakfast, brush teeth, brush hair, get in bed, get out the door and on and on. And half the time I've lost my shit and my barks turn to yelling. I hate being monster mommy.
But honestly there's another reason for my kitchen dance parties. Something no one can see in my head. Inside I'm bursting at the seams with lust. I know. SAHM, married, young kids. Those words aren't usually in the same piece of writing as lust. I can't believe it myself. And, unfortunately, the feelings of lust aren't for my husband. Well, he is benefiting, but that's another blog post altogether.
So how in the hell did I get here from where I was? I wasn't unhappy per se. I wasn't looking to have an affair. The potential for one just fell in my lap.
It was my own undoing, but I really didn't mean to get myself into anything Here's how it started: Recently I found some journals and journal entries (literally just a piece of notebook paper ripped out of a spiral notebook) from high school and college. One particular entry was about a one-night stand I had toward the end of my Spring semester in 1998. I was 22. I had gone with a friend to a "baseball" party. Parties always seemed to be categorized by major or sport played. The parties we usually attended were PJ (photo journalism), Theater or The Peach House (stoners). So here we were going to a "baseball" party and I knew no one except the friend I'd come with. Little did I know that I was about to have some of the best sex of my life along with my first one-night stand. Before that night I'd always had some Catholic guilt and worked at "keeping my numbers low." For me, this only applied to intercourse. Blow jobs, oral sex, fingering and dry humping were all totally cool with me. I think that night I subconsciously decided that "keeping the numbers low" was just my way of fooling myself into believing that I was still pure and chaste, but why?! Most likely to protect my heart, too. I decided to forgo the heart and fully give into my primal instincts. (Way more fun!)
So there I was crammed into someone's apartment with 50 other people, standing against a wood-paneled wall when I saw a guy across the room towering over everyone else it seemed. From my mind's eye we were the 2 tallest people in the room. I'm 5'9", so I doubt that's an accurate perception. But he's 6'4", so he was above the crowd to me. His eyes zeroed in on me and he made a beeline toward me. I think he said something like "who are you?" or "I need to know you." Whatever he said, it was flattering, but his actions were even more so. It was like a powerful magnet had pulled us together. Within minutes of meeting I knew it was inevitable that we would have wild and crazy uninhibited fucking.
We started talking and he was touching my hair and kissing neck and very soon we were in his room. It turned out that the party was in his apartment, but I only learned that when he said we should go to his room. I remember sitting on his bed and talking about Whiskeytown, a band we both love. Music has always been a measure of compatibility for me. It's a huge turn on to find someone who likes the same music as me. But that night didn't need any help, I was already completely sunk. The music thing was just a sweet bonus. I also remember loving the perfectly imperfect gap between his front teeth. I absolutely love(d) it!
Finally we started kissing. There was no adjustment period. It was one of the best kisses I've ever had (and he said one of the best he'd had, too.) No awkwardness or teeth knocking. Just soft lips in perfect unison with just the right amount of tongue on both sides. Very quickly our clothes started coming off. He made me feel so sexy and confident. Up to that point I felt like I'd always been the one pursuing someone which is a vulnerable position to be in when you're not sure what the other person thinks of you. But that night I didn't have any doubts. He pulled off my panties and laid back. I crawled over him and lowered myself onto his face. There's a first time for everything! I was so wet and it felt so amazing. He licked and sucked my pussy for awhile. When he was finished I straddled him and kissed his wet mouth. Licking the edges of his mouth to taste myself. I tasted so good.
Next it was his turn! I unzipped his pants and his cock poked out of his boxers. It was so huge! I pulled down his pants and took him into my mouth. It was so big that it was almost uncomfortable. I felt like I was going to choke. I licked, sucked, rubbed his cock for awhile, but I knew I had to have it inside of me. I couldn't wait. I think it had been several months, maybe even a year since I'd last had sex. I was so tight. I straddled him and slowly guided his huge cock into my wet pussy. We fucked in unison, hips in perfect timing. I rode him hard. It was incredible. I grew tired, but still wanted more. He picked me up and flipped me over onto my stomach, ass in the air. He came in from behind and fucked me hard. My head slamming into the pillow. We fucked for what felt like an eternity until he came. We fell asleep with the smell of sex and alcohol and our sticky bodies stuck together.
A few months ago I found the journal entry documenting that night. I'd never written down an experience like that and hadn't written anything so descriptive since. It was a special night that even 18 years later I could remember so well. I started thinking about him. I'd Googled him before, but never tried to connect. At this point I wasn't even sure he would remember me or that night. I figured I was probably one in a million. I found him on Facebook and Instagram. From what I could put together he had a wife and at least one kid. I decided to write him a message, well more like a thank you note. "Thanks for one of the best nights of my life 18 years ago." And then I went on to compliment his beautiful wife and cute kid and tell him about my family. It was flirty, but innocent at the same time.
Well, that's how it all started. You'll have to read the next entry to see how it progresses from there.
